Third year blues

f36849dd75eaca38963774971610ad01

As usual, university has completely taken over my life. The problem is that this year, I’m not neccessarily loving it. I’m not sure exactly what it is. It’s just not enthusing me in the same way that previous years have and that’s sort of sad in a way, because it’s my last year. That’s frightening in itself. In roughly six months time, I’ll be out in the real world, desperately trying to seek out my first full time job. As much as it’s a scary thought, for me it’s also an exciting thought. It means that I can finally have a little bit more money to do the things I’ve always wanted to do, like buy a house and go on holiday every year without worrying about it. It also means that I get to pursue a career in something that I’m passionate about and that I’ll thrive in. I think that’s part of why I just want to finish already.

The modules that I’ve taken this year are also a bit of a bother. Some of them are not quite what I thought, and then there’s the fact that I’ve decided to major in English Lit to try and open up my career ย prospects- my Creative Writing has sort of been pushed to one side, when in fact, that’s the part I’ve always enjoyed the most.

Then there’s my dissertation. Oh my god. Don’t even get me started. I know that it’s not supposed to be easy, but I’m really not feeling supported by my university about my project which is such a shame. I’ve had lots of meetings, I’ve spent hours in the library and I’m still not sure where to start in terms of actually writing it. I’m writing mine about feminism and it’s effects on literature through vampire novels. Sort of random, but as an avid Twilight lover, and current Vampire Diaries fan, it’s right up my street. I’ve discovered some new favourites in Let the Right One In and Interview With the Vampire.

The last thing about this year that’s getting me down is in terms of friendships. I feel like those with my friends at uni have become really distant and I’m not sure why. I feel as if I’ve put in a lot of effort without much back, something which is really disheartening in any friendship. I think the main thing I need to remember about this, is that sometimes friendships aren’t meant to last. I take pride in the fact that my best friends have known me for years, and I know they’ll be friends for years to come. I’ve been told not to waste time on people who don’t give you anything back- I think I’ll start taking that advice.

So there you have it. Third year blues. I just need to keep plodding along. At the end of the day, it is only six months. Besides there’s lots to look forward to! I turn 20 in two weeks, and this weekend I’m going to see the Royal Ballet in Birmingham perform The Nutcracker, my favourite. I’m also really loving the Christmas spirit that’s in the air at the moment, I can’t wait to break up for the holidays!

Lots of love and more soon,

Beth x

Advertisements

Fairytale Prison

image

Leaves that symphonise in rapunzel orange, spiraling, twisting amongst the cinderella branches that try to escape their captive, the tree of knowledge. There’s no sign of goldilock’s rays that yesterday chased away, replacing the happiness with the goblin’s smoke that infuses the evil that is to come, creeping closer, ever closer.

Feeling lost in the world of blogging

b15a82899f56ae62b375e841d955ef76

As many of you know, I’ve been blogging for around eight months now, and it’s only recently that I’ve actually felt I’ve been getting somewhere with it. That’s because I didn’t know what to write about before and so consequently didn’t post very often. I don’t feel that my heart was fully in it. ย When I first started I had no idea what I was doing. I didn’t know where to create one, I didn’t know what to call it, and I didn’t have a clue about what my first post should be. It was hard to find advice on blogging too; I didn’t know much about how to use themes etc, and I’m still learning now.

I’d found that it’s so easy to get lost in the world of blogging. For ages I tried to promote my blog via my social media but found myself lost in a tidal wave of other people’s blogs who were ย much better than my own, and that had so many more followers and readers. It made me really sad to think that no one was reading the posts that I spent so long working on.

Eight months later and I have a name that I’m happy with , and a site layout that I like, and I’m finally starting to feel more confident about my content. I’m liking getting to know my readers more as it helps to work out what sort of posts to write. I feel like I’m finding my niche and as a consequence am enjoying it in a way I didn’t previously. I’m feeling as if my blog is now my happy place, a place that I can be proud of.

For so long I had completely forgotten why it was that I wanted to start a blog in the first place. I’d got caught up in the idea of having a strong online presence, and having loads of followers. The reason I’d started my blog was because I wanted somewhereย to express myself. I wanted my own piece of the internet to share my thoughts with, a place where I wouldn’t feel judged by what I liked and what I didn’t like. I wanted my own creative outlet.

I’ve realised that it doesn’t matter how many people are reading it as long as I keep writing it. I’ve managed to gain more viewers recently and I think that’s because my writing has improved as I’m in a much happier mindset as I write these posts. I don’t want to be a blogger who just talks about clothes and makeup. Don’t get me wrong, I love both of those things, but I don’t want those things to define me. They don’t define me in real life, so why should they on here?

I want to thank everyone who’ve been really supportive by my liking my posts, commenting on them and just simply reading them. I’ve decided that quality over quantity is definitely what’s important when it comes to blogging. I’ll keep blogging for myself, and to you guys. I’m going to enjoy being relatively new to the blogging community, and I’m going to enjoy the learning curve that I’m experiencing as my blog grows.