Where has the time gone?

a watch

As many of you will have noticed, my blogging hiatus has lasted a Β little bit longer than I was initially planning. In all honesty, I hadn’t realised how long it had actually been. This year seems to have flown by. One minute it was Christmas and I was stressing about how I was going to afford Christmas presents for everyone, and the next thing I knew, it was June, uni was done and I was suddenly in the real world, a little bit lost but also relieved.

So much has happened this year that I don’t really know where to begin. It’s been a difficult year to say the least. I’ve had to deal with things I’ve never had to deal with before, including the loss of a family member, and coping with the stress of my dissertation and my other final year projects.

Instead of going into all the details, I think the best thing for me to do is to conclude that this year has been the year where I feel like I’m learning. I feel like the experiences that have happened so far have been made me look at life in a different way. I’m aware that to some of you that might sound stupid and cheesy, but from my perspective, it’s the truth. 2017 has been challenging, tough, and stressful, but I’m still coping, I’m beginning to feel happier, and I’m understanding that sometimes you need a bit of negativity so that you can find the positive.

Blogging began as a creative outlet for me, a place to express myself, something that’s difficult to do in reality. It always allowed me to stop bottling things up, something which I know I’ve done for the last few months. So therefore, I’m back. I want to keep my blog going. It was a place to get things off my chest, and I think I need that again. It was also a space where I could share pieces of my creative writing, and as my degree is now over, it’s important to me that I keep sharing those too.

If you have any blogging requests etc, then feel free to comment below, I’m always interested in what all of you out there have to say.

Love from,

Beth x

Advertisements

Why I’m doing what’s right for me

 

a28821c2237ef55f0b9235858672089e

I think it’s so hard to not be influenced by those around us. I always used to feel as if I was copying what others were doing whilst not making any proper decisions of my own. I’m not sure if I did this because I didn’t feel that I knew what was best for me, or because I thought that what everyone else was doing was the only way for me to do things too. Over the last few years, I’ve been trying to escape that mindset, as I want to do what’s best for me now. At the end of the day, my choices affect MY life, they don’t affect anyone else.

One of the biggest qualms I’ve had to deal with is the expectations of being a student. As a student you’re expected to be out partying every night, drowning your weight in alcohol, and flirting with as many people as possible. The thing is, that’s just not me. I like dressing up in pretty clothes whilst sipping on cocktails in a sophisticated bar, and I enjoy going home at a reasonable hour whilst still knowing where my head’s at and what I’m doing. I used to think that that made me boring, and that I wasn’t getting enough out of ‘the student experience’ but I’ve started to come to the conclusion that I’m now getting the student experience I want. I still go out occasionally, and yes I still occasionally get drunk, but the majority of the time, I’m quite happy spending the night chatting away to friends and generally having a laugh. I don’t think that makes me boring.

Consequently, I’m doing what’s right for me in terms of studying. All through school and college, I tried my hardest with my work as I was so determined to get good grades and do well for myself. One of the things I kept a secret for so long was that I was younger than everyone else. When I was in primary school I was moved up a year. Since then I’ve continued with people older than myself, and yet I was ashamed of it. I worried that people would think I was too geeky and weird, and when people did find out about it, they weren’t always nice. Luckily, all of the people that I’ve got in my life at the moment know about it all, and they don’t care. That’s why I feel liberated enough to share this on here. I’m not ashamed of it anymore. So what if I skipped a year of school? I’m proud of it now.

Furthermore, I hate people trying to tell me what’s best for me in terms of my future. When I originally chose my course of BA English Literature and Creative Writing, I was met with some stick about what career options that would leave me with. For some reason, I started to get it into my head that English was a ‘soft’ subject and that I would lend up without any career prospects. But two years into my course, and I’m happy with my decision. My course challenges me, and how you can say it’s a ‘soft’ subject I’m not sure, and to be honest is quite offensive. I’ve started to think about future careers and again, I keep being told that that I’m not going to get into the industry I want because it’s too competitive. I’m determined to prove that those people are wrong, and even if I do fail, I know that I’ve done what’s right for me simply by trying.

I’m glad I’ve started to realise that it’s my choices that count. I’m my own person, and I know my potentials and downfalls. I know what makes me tick, and what doesn’t. Therefore I’m going to keep doing what’s best for me, and I don’t care if it bothers you. It’s my life, and that’s all that matters.

 

Thought of the day

“Drink tea, read books, be happy”

a63b4207f8c7e3c463e04756ae1af807

I’m the sort of person who constantly feels like they should be doing something or going somewhere new. The thought of a day with nothing planned terrifies me, and I hate waking up with nowhere to go and no one to see.

Since leaving college, where I was in every day from nine till four, and starting university I’ve found myself with so much free time. For a lot of people all this free time is great as it leaves time for sleeping, Netflix and just general pottering around, but for me it’s the worst thing in the world.

Take this weekend for example. Bear in mind that I’m currently on a work placement where I’m in full time from Monday from Friday. On Friday night I was quite happy to just stay and chill with a glass of wine after a long working week. On Saturday there was the usual errands to run such as shopping, getting the boyfriend’s hair cut, and popping into town for some hair dye, and on Saturday evening, I went for dinner with some friends at Coast to Coast. Then it rolled round to Sunday, and suddenly I was faced with the one thing I hate the most- having no plans all day long. I tried to fill out the day by cooking a breakfast, taking a long shower, and watching a film. But by four o clock I was bored. And it wasn’t as if I’d been sat in all weekend either.

I wish that I was the type of person to be able to just take comfort in doing nothing but I’m not. I’m a creature of routines, I love trying new things, and despite complaining when I’m exhausted, love being busy. But the problem is, I need to understand that not everyone feels like I do and that not everyone loves rushing through life at 100mph like I do.

Instead of moaning about all my free time I need to ravish it, as it’s not going to be this way forever. One day I’m going to have proper responsibilities. I need to start spending my free time wisely, catching up on all that TV that I’ve missed, watching all those films that I want to watch, and taking as many long, hot baths as I can. And I need to know that there’s all the time in the world for me to try new experiences and that I don’t need to rush through everything. I need to take my time, relish in the smaller things, and to just enjoy the big things when they happen instead of spending all my relax days waiting for them to happen.

Thought of the day

42779fdfb1755f9d05c70956cdfe3e0c

At some point in most people’s lives, people worry. The majority of people worry every single day about something whether it’s something major or something tiny. As a student, it’s so easy to spend too much time fretting, whether that’s fretting about being able to afford your weekly food shop or worrying about affording drinks on a night out. Then there’s emotional worries about whether we’re gonnaΒ pass our next assignment, or whether we’re gonna get a date with that cute guy that we really fancy.

The problem is that we’re spending too much time worrying. At the end of the day, we have to remember that we’re not psychic and we can’t change the outcome of something once we’ve done something. Well at least the majority of the time, and hey, if you know you’ve done everything you can to change the outcome, then remember there’s nothing more you can do except sit back and relax.

I worry all the time. Sometimes I worry about irrational things, irrational things such as what would happen if a spider came into my flat when I was alone and there was no one to get rid of it apart from me, who’s completely utterly and terrified by spiders. But what’s the point in worrying about things like that? If it happened, I’d probably scream a lot and hide in a different room, but the point is I’d survive. It wouldn’t change my life at all.

Sometimes I worry about completely normal things like what I’m going to do when I graduate, but in this case, I know I’m working my socks off to get the best grades I can, and I’m trying to gain work experience, so what more can I do?

I think what I’m trying to say is that, a little bit of worry is normal. But don’t let it take over your life. Next time I’m worrying away about something stupid I’m going to run myself a hot bath with loads of bubbles, and try to get rid of some of that stress. It won’t completely remove my worries, but it’ll take my mind off things for a bit, after all I’m only human.